


The Opposite of Love Is Not Hate, It's Indifference

by aruberrycheesecake



Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: Amnesia, Coma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Everyone is insecure, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Magi: Labyrinth of Magic Spoilers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Trauma, hakuryuu oniisan, judar can't stop being rude, judar is figuring out who he is, judar is learning, magi, sinbad is bad, sinbad is good and bad?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-23 22:32:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17088983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aruberrycheesecake/pseuds/aruberrycheesecake
Summary: What happens when Judar finally meets someone he can't break? A mere servant girl from Sindria, Mana's apathetic view of life drives Judar completely insane. For months, Judal has been trying to break her with his mind games, but when Sinbad comes along in the picture he finally finds Mana's weakness: her past. Will Judar take this chance to tear her apart? Judar x OC x Sinbad





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for stopping by! As always, please leave a review if you can :) I enjoy knowing that people aren't just reading but like what they're reading! Constructive criticism also appreciated.

**CHAPTER 1: CONTROL**

_She irritates me so damn much. Dammit._

Judar paced up and down the red hallways of the Kou Imperial Palace. He was looking for something to waste his time on. No, he wasn't trying to waste time; he was trying to find a distraction from his incorrigible thoughts.

As magi and high priest of the Kou Empire, Judar was used to being treated like royalty since an early age. All the Kou Palace servants have been at his beck and call, but he's never cared for such luxuries.

He just wanted to play games, but more specifically, he wanted people who could keep up with his games.

And when Judar thought he had finally found someone that knew how to play his cruel games, she just happened to be as good as it as he was. She never yields, and she never cracks. His games couldn't get to her. A maid from Sindria, just a common servant girl sold to the Kou Empire, had more issues than Judar could count.

"What's with that sour look on your face," Ren Hakuryuu probed, strolling in from his daily sword practice. He saw the misery sinking into Judar's crimson eyes.

"Shut up," Judar said bluntly.

There's been a lot on Judar's mind lately. The world was changing, and abnormalities were materializing that defied centuries of known knowledge and tradition. A few months ago he had an unsuccessful run-in with a small magi twerp who went by the name Aladdin. Aladdin, by mere existence, disproved the unequival rule that there could be only be three magis present in the world simultaneously and that news shook the Kou Empire. After returning to Kou barely hanging by a thread, Judar found it hard to not be overwhelmed by his dissatisfaction in recent times.

And the fact that his new handmaiden was also a handful hadn't made matters much easier.

"It's your servant girl, Mana? Is she bothering you?" Hakuryuu raises an eyebrow in skepticism, "or are you bothering her?"

"She's annoying, much."

"I don't understand why you keep her on loose chains, she seems more of a nuisance than a help. Kouen gave her to you as a gift, but you're in no way obliged to keep her around," Hakuryuu stated in a very matter-of-fact tone, wondering why Judar hasn't just gotten rid of her like all the previous maids he's grown tired of. He's gone through at least a two dozen servant girls in the last year.

"Don't tell me what to do," Judar spat. His temper began to climb. If the solution was that easy wouldn't he have done it already?

Hakuryu continued to stare at Judar in much confusion and let out a jaunty laugh, irking the dark Magi even more. Hakuryuu knew there were only a handful of reasons Judar chose to engage with people. His thirst for power and or his insatiable boredom, unless there was a third reason…

"Perhaps she has a type of control over you, something you're not used to in the bedr-"

Before Hakuryu could finish his sentence Judar drew out his wand and used it put Hakuryu in a choke hold, " "I will cut your tongue off if you don't shut the fuck up junior prince," he growled. Hakuryu thought it was unlike Judar to be so rash over light-hearted banter. "No one controls me," the dark magi announced.

Judar became paranoid and wondered whether Hakuryuu sensed his pent up sexual frustration. It was true, he wasn't used to a woman like Mana. But he also wasn't used to a maid that was so unwilling to please. He felt a bit embarrassed, a Kou Palace servantry duties often including satisfying the desires of the body, but this was something that did not need to be said. It was a part of the job, after all.

"Maybe it's not because she doesn't understand her maiden duties… could it be me? Am I not desirable to her?" Judar thought to himself neurotically.

Judar squeezed his wand tighter across Hakuryuu's thin throat as he felt his insecurity come through as fire.

"Judar, calm down it was only a joke," Hakuryu croaked, heaving for air.

Judar released his hold on the young prince. Since the balbadd incident, most of the Kou palace residents were warned of the high priest's tantrums. It didn't help that Hakuryuu could pinpoint exactly why he was extra moody today.

Judar tilted his head at the sky. He thought back to his first encounter with his troublesome servant.

_[FLASHBACK]_

Mana was a gift from General Kouen in hopes that maybe a new play toy would calm Judar's temperamental mood swings; Kouen was wrong. Mana ended up driving him insane.

"God dammit did Kouen really get me a whore instead of a fucking doctor," Judar complained aloud.

After a long and exhaustive trip from Balbadd, he did not expect to return to an unknown woman sitting up chained to his bed. Her hair was rustled and wrists were raw, showing signs that she's spent some time trying to escape her shackles. She was dressed in the dark brown uniform that Kou Palace servants were required to wear.

Mana looked away in disgust. She was unsure if she could ever call this man her master. No, she still had too much dignity for that. She had to remind herself that she was not brought here as a slave. A tinge of embarrassment and annoyance tinted her face. She hadn't agreed to these chains.

Judar couldn't help but to stare at the silhouette of her supple figure in his dimly lit chambers. He was in no shape to take in this woman. His wounds from Balbadd were still fresh and caused him to wince at any sudden movement. He walked up closer to the fiery woman sitting on his bed. When he reached out to free her from her metal chains, her body recoiled to his touch almost immediately.

_"Do whatever you want with me, but I won't scream, neither in pain nor in pleasure."_

Her words felt like a slap across the face. Those were the the first words she's ever said to him and they continued to replay in his head to taunt him. He could recall her stoic face so clearly, There was not a drop of emotion or fear. Despite how alluring it was to see a beautiful woman shackled so conveniently to his chamber post, her apathetic attitude repelled him. A dead mouse does not excite a snake.

"It's one thing that Kouen got me a whore, but it's another thing that he's somehow managed to find a whore that sucks at her job."

"My job is to take care of you," Mana retorted. She did understand the repercussions of the vagueness of her role, but she refused to sleep with the sick and wounded.

"My name is Mana. Kouen has enlisted me to be your caretaker from now on," Mana clarified.

"Caretaker sure is a weird way to say tramp. Quite frankly, I don't care who you are. Tell Kouen he can return you wherever he found you."

Mana ignored the dark magi's venomous tone. She was distracted by the dark crimson blood that leaked from his poorly bandaged wounds.

"Your wounds… they're not healing," her eyes examined the gashes on his arms that were still wet from fresh blood.

It was true. Judar's wounds weren't healing even with help from Kakabun's magic and Kouen's healing djinn. The injuries he sustained from the blue-haired magi's djinn in Balbadd were festering.

Judar sighed, he didn't understand this bothersome woman. Seeing how Mana reacted to his proximity, he used what magoi he had left to break the chains that bound her so he did not need to touch her. Once free, she genuflected with her right hand over her chest in appreciation more than respect.

"The ryukh around you speeds up your healing compared to the average man, but it won't matter if your wounds get infected," she kneeled in front of him inspecting his open wounds. Judar was surprised to see how much she knew about ryukh. She grabbed medical supplies from the foot of the bed that the maids had left for her, and gestured for him to sit down.

Without much warning, she took his arms abruptly and began to strip out the infected cloth, clean his open wounds, and wrap a new breathable cast of bandages. All her movements were deliberate and quick, like she's done this a million times over. Judar investigated his new cast and was pleasantly surprised to see that he was no longer bleeding profusely. Her speed and skill were unmatched and her stitching technique were nothing short of perfect.

Since that night, Mana had quickly proven to be quite an effective caretaker. Although initially spiteful of Kouen for giving him a mistress in place of a qualified attendant, Judar had come to grow a unique affinity towards the mysterious sandy-haired medic.

He often found himself looking forward to their time together. There were small things she did that fluttered his heart: from the way she'd cut his peaches to the perfect size to the way she hummed while brushing the knots from his hair. Even the way she smelled like a cool ocean breeze was irresistible to him; he often found himself facing and leaning towards her without meaning to. He didn't even like the ocean.

Judar's mind started to drift to desires of the flesh as her scent permeated his thoughts. Her cool skin often reminded him of the peaches he loved so much, soft, plump, and pink. She was a good distraction during this uneasy time. Yet he has been unable to musk up the audacity to demand for a different kind of attention. She had done enough for him, more than any other maid before him, he thought.

Judar shook his head to bring him back to the present, forcing the lustful images he's unknowingly conjured up in his mind to dissipate.

_[FLASHBACK END]_

"Prince Kouen's looking for you."

Speak of the devil.

"Tell him I'm busy," Judar didn't bother to turn around to give Mana eye contact. He wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone right now. Even if it was Kouen.

"Stop being a child and just go see him," Mana said without hesitiaton in an irritated tone of her own, crossing her arms across her chest. She wasn't about to deal with the repercussions of two big, unpleased egos before she even had the chance to eat today.

"C-child?! That is not any way to talk to your master," Judar snarled, trying to save face in front of Hakuryuu.

"Then fire me," Mana's gold eyes glared at Judar playfully, but her voice was grim and resolute. Her face often contradicted her voice, a mannerism of hers that Judar was not fond. She's been playing the 'if you don't like it, just get rid of me' card since she got to the palace a few months ago. Judar huffed and looked away from her heavy eyes, if she wanted to leave so bad why didn't she just run away like all the other maids that came before her did. It was even more surprising that she's lasted this long.

"SHUT UP! I heard you the first fucking time!" a hotheaded Judar yelled as he walked towards the direction of Kouen's office. He grabbed Mana's wrists tightly, dragging her with him. Judar didn't want Mana to be in the same vicinity of Hakuryuu without his presence or permission.

She leered at her master's childish anger as she was forcibly dragged away.

"Call me a child again and I'll kill you," he threatened loudly enough for Hakuryuu to hear. Judar always had to have the last word. It was a big show to protect his ego, something that has been a bit more deflated after the Balbadd incident.

"Go see Lord Kouen now or he'll only be angrier, and we both know how he gets when he's angry," Mana forced a fake smile and pulled her wrists away from Judar's cutting grip. "I'm going to prepare lunch," she said as she walked the opposite way.

"There she goes again. She speaks to me like she's already gone through all seven gates of hell and back.." Judar thought.

Mana gave a small bow to Prince Hakuryuu to pardon herself and headed towards the palace gardens. Hakuryuu couldn't help but smile, he was happy that Judar finally had someone that could deflect Judar's brutish nature. Maybe she was more of a help than he originally thought.

Judar groaned in contempt as he slowly made his way to see the impatient First Prince.

Kouen's office was hidden deep in the Kou Palace archives. He could often be found there smoking his pipe and staring at maps for long periods of time.

"Mana tells me that your body's been responding well to her treatment. I'm glad to hear that," Kouen

Judar's ear perked up.

"Treat her well. I've spent quite an amount of Huang on her, it would be a shame if you've chased her away."

Although this statement was far from the actual truth, since Mana had voluntarily given herself to the Kou Palace with no money involved, Kouen tried to make it a point to remind the High Oracle that bad actions led to consequences. However, it was unlike Judar to burden himself with insignificant consequences.

"I'm sure you did not call me to talk about how I treat my servants," Judar was in no mood for small talk.

"Sinbad conquered seven of your dungeons, and there is news that he has formed an alliance with that new child magi, Aladdin," Kouen warned disapprovingly, "at this rate, the Kou Empire is going to be at a disadvantage. We will need to stop him."

Just the mention of magi oddity made Judar's blood boil, he wanted nothing more than to have Aladdin perish at his own hands.

"I can't stop him from conquering the dungeons I conjure, your people just need to learn to HURRY UP and stop slacking," Judar roared defensively.

Kouen glared to Judar with annoyance, his toleration of Judar's childish behavior was thinning. Kouen exhaled and reminded himself Judar's impudence was a small price to pay in exchange for his support as Kou's official magi.

"I want you to go to Sindria and let him know that if he continues to capture these dungeons and ally with this new Magi, Aladdin, the Kou Empire will consider it an act of war. Sinbad's empire can't keep growing while we remain stagnant."

"What do you want me to tell him? 'I'll bake you a cake if you stop conquering my dungeons and forming powerful alliances'?" Judar shrugged. He really did not want to make a trip to Sindria to see a dumb, hot-headed king.

Kouen raised an eyebrow, peering down from his high throne. He rested his forehead against his clasped hands in exhaustion. His eyes were darkened by the lack of sleep he had gotten these past few days.

"Figure it out. You've known him since you two were both young, I'm sure you know how his brain works."

"If only he had a brain," Judar laughed to himself at his joke, "he's a moronic king."

Judar's facetiousness was getting on Kouen's last nerves. The dark magi was not the only one in the palace with a temper.

"Are you not worried about Sinbad gaining more Metal Vessels? You may not see him as dangerous, but he's a major threat to this empire. And if I remember correctly, your last encounter with that small Magi left you almost at the brink of death," Kouen's face contorted into an evil mocking grin, "and if it weren't for Mana's aid you probably wouldn't even be standing here."

Kouen was pulling all the stops today.

"That chibi magi is no threat to me, I underestimated him last time but it won't happen again!" Judar defended. He did not want to hear about that small magi ever again.

"And I said Sinbad is stupid, not weak, he's probably even stronger than you are, Kouen!" Judar added. He figured he might as well take a shot at Kouen's brutally huge ego. Judar was expecting an angry outburst, but Kouen remained calm. Judar wrinkled his nose in confusion at the Flame Emperor.

"I know, that's why I need you Judar. I need you to go to Sindria and find this man's weakness, his cracks. A man with a thirst for more of this kind of power can't be as just as he pronounces himself to be," Judar was surprised how Kouen was so level headed about the situation, "We'll have to destroy Sindria from the inside."

Judar sighed, it was a big request but it wasn't like he could refuse the general and first prince of Kou. He knew he'd face the twerp magi again but he didn't think it would be this soon.

"I will make my way across the sea once the summer ends," Judar walked out with his hands in his pockets, not wanting to hear another word.

Summer after all was Judar's favorite season and the best weather Kou Empire had to offer.

"You owe me one, Kouen."

Kouen's lips curled into a satisfactory smirk. His pieces on the chessboard were moving into place.


	2. Chapter 2: Curse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for reading! Feel free to drop a note~

**CHAPTER 2: CURSE**

It was a part of Mana's daily duties as a Kou Palace Servant to prepare food for Judar.

Lunch was usually a snack platter filled with an assortment of seasonal ingredients from the Kou Palace Garden, Mana's favorite spot in the palace. This week's abundances consisted of grape, dragon fruit, plums, and, of course, summer peaches. She took the gold-plated dish of fruit to Judal's quarters located in the top right wing of the palace, which was in the opposite wing of the Ren siblings where he liked to be away from the commotion. Despite the palace being an everyday sight for her now, the beauty of the gold and red crested buildings never ceased to awe.

Mana opened the large heavy doors that led into Judal's room, but she heard a few distinct low voices from the other side. Not wanting to disrupt, she remained outside and curiously listened in to the murmurs of their conversations.

"Judar, why were you not at yesterday's service," one of the Al Thamen priests confronted the Magi, sipping a cup of tea sitting across of Judar, who was looking out his bedroom window towards the Empire of Kou.

"I was busy. Kouen has instructed me this morning to give Sinbad a visit soon so I don't see my schedule being less busy for time to come."

Mana froze as the whispers of the Sindria King reached her ears. It's been a good 12 months since she's been back to her hometown. She never wanted to return to that hell.

"Judar, the state of the world has changed drastically since we've received news of a fourth magi… We must start the transformation process soon."

Judar looked away, he was tired of hearing all the fuss of this new, child magi. It has been unheard of for 4 magis to exist simultaneously. He knew that the old hag, Scheherazade, still had a few years left in her, and Yunan was still nowhere to be found but very much alive. It did not make sense for the world to bring in an additional magi.

"Like I said, I've been busy. I don't care about this new 4th magi, I can wipe him from this earth easily! He doesn't even know how to use his magoi in battle."

The Al Thamen priests looked at each other with worried looks on their faces.

"Judar from what we've seen from your incident in Balbadd, it seems that this new magi may be stronger than any of us can tell. But with this black rukh transformation you will have no problem in defeating.."

Judar bit his lip. It was too early in the day for these old men dressed in dull ragged clothing to be telling him what to do. But he could not deny the truth in their statements. Judar did not want to admit it, but he needed the dark power of these priests to become stronger.

"Summer's my favorite season, so I will enjoy it without having to worry about some dumb twerp," the image of a new magi being capable of possessing a power as grand as Solomon's Wisdom gave him a hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach, "I will be ready for the full transformation after."

Judar knew he was stalling, but the black ryukh transformation wouldn't be easy on his body. It would change him permanently. The Organization had tried to perform the ceremonial ritual on him a many months ago, but Judar's body was not ready for the change. The white ryukh in him was still too strong and rejected the black, causing his body to expend whatever magoi within to fight the darkness like a virus. His body barely made it out alive. The priests have instructed him that they'd try again once his thirst for war and chaos was stronger, and since the Aladdin incident it became more imperative to do so.

However, there was one thing holding him back. It was true, summer was his favorite season, but this summer was different. This summer brought him an unexpected surprise, a distraction from such dark times. He wanted to at least spend the warmest days of the year by her side. He was not ready to give up this small beacon of light just yet.

"But that won't be enough time-" The mysterious priests begged for Judar to reconsider but he had stopped listening a while ago. Judar gestured for his unwanted guests to leave, and the priests mumbled begrudgingly. This sounded like the right que for Mana to enter unscrupulously.

Mana waited for the priests to leave before setting down the plate of food. Her eyes remained on the floor though she felt their heavy stares as they walked out. The Al Thamen priests all dressed the same, shrouded in mystery and their faces covered in cloth and crowns of thorns painfully adorning their heads.

As the doors shut, Judar's brought his full attention to the woman holding a tray of his favorite fruit. His mouth watered.

"Did you hear any of that?" he asked as he picked off the peaches off the plate. He didn't understand why Mana even bothered on cutting up a variety of different fruit when he only ever ate the peaches. He sighed as he realized that stone fruit season was soon coming to a close.

"A little bit. I don't like those priests, they give off the same energy as Gyokuen and that woman is bat crazy," Mana shuttered to get the image of Gyokuen out of her head and Judar laughed in agreement. It was only in private that Mana could admit this as she knew Judar felt the same. She would easily be killed if she said such treasonous things casually in public, so she was a bit grateful for some sort of solace with the dark magi. Behind closed doors Judar was often in a better mood with less of a haughty facade, and Mana also felt comforted by this.

Mana continued to pick off the grapes from the picturesque golden plate of food. The grapes were all year around but the summer grapes always tasted the best.

"Eavesdropping is only going to get you in deep shit, you know," Judar warned teasingly. He knew that Mana was smarter than she let out to be.

It was easy for Mana to hear conversations throughout the palace, after all, no one would bat an eye at a mere servant girl. At night she would see the priests and Empress Gyokuen conjure up hidden rooms from the dark corners of the palace and often their meetings would go until sunrise. She did not like those priests, and the fact that they often stared at her gave her chills she could not shake.

"I don't know why they bombard you so much with such long meetings, you don't even like going to them."

She often refrained from commenting on Judar's obligations as the Oracle of the Kou Empire, since it was still a duty she barely understood. However, deep curiosity tugged at her heart to comment.

"Yeah, you're right, I hate those meetings as much as I hate those priests," Judar snickered, causing Mana to roll her eyes. His shit eating grin was all too familiar to her, "but the Organization will be able to make me stronger, into a Magi who can be unstoppable."

He tightened his fists and tilted his head back towards her with a smirk, "I hope you're not worried about me. Are you?"

Her teeth clenched at his overconfident smile, "of course not."

Judar headed over to his bed, shrouded in sheer chiffon material that covered the bed like foamy tides. Judar had his arms behind his head, relaxing on luxurious silk fabric that he imagined what clouds felt like. The day was soon coming to an end and the setting sun illuminated the room as it's last hoorah before disappearing beneath the horizon.

He bent his pointer finger at her, beckoning her to join him. She sighed and brought the plate of half eaten fruit with her. Judar hated it when she ate on the bed, but today he decided to allowed it. The bags under Mana's eyes reflected a combination of lack of sleep and longer than usual working hours, so this lunch break was much needed.

She laid on her stomach next to him with her feet peddling the air. Judar inched in closer to her, stretching out his arm to and lightly grazing her back to grab another perfectly cut peach. He whiffed a distracting scent of floral and sea and blushed. She smelled like summer to him. He urged to understand why.

"Tell me about Sindria," Judar demanded without much context, stealing a grape mid-air before Mana could pop it in her small mouth. He had been to the island a few times before, usually to cause chaos and headaches for Sinbad in bad will, but Judar was curious to why Mana had never talked much about her homeland before.

"It's hot, humid, and smells like fish." Mana kept her sentences short and felt her heart sink deeper towards her chest. She pushed the plate of food away as her appetite also began to fade. Judar hasn't asked her much about her past since she arrived. It was rare for anyone to care about a palace maid's past.

"I already know that, idiot," Judar hissed, "tell me what growing up there was like."

Mana paused and took a long, uneasy breathe before she spoke. She had to be very careful to choose her words.

"I don't remember much. When I look back, I don't even remember what my parents looked like.. It's strange, but I feel like my life started here, at Kou. Sindria was never home."

Mana didn't enjoy lying to Judar, but perhaps a half-truth wasn't the same as a lie. But Judar saw right through her walls, there was still a lot he did not know about her.

"Did you learn to be a medic at Sindria?"

"I guess you could say that. At some point there was a lot of suffering on the island and I wanted to help, so I learned mostly everything I know just through experience."

A darkness tinted Mana's eyes for a quick second, but not quick enough for Judar to miss. He sensed there was a lot more to her than she let out, but like glass, if you push too hard it'll shatter. Judar wanted to know her pain, to understand what had caused her to feel so distant and callous. Besides, he was a firm believer of whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

"Is there a reason you ask?" Mana tried to shift the conversation back to Judar.

Judar hesitated a bit before deciding to revealing such important royal politics to his mere servant girl, "Kouen wants me to go to Sindria to make a deal with the moronic King there," Judar scorned, "but I take it that you wouldn't want to come with me to see your home again."

Mana winced a bit at the mention of Sinbad. No one in the palace knew much of her past life back at Sindria, and she preferred to keep it that way. Her past could only be used to hurt her at this point.

"My life is here. It starts and will end here serving King Koutoku."

Judar rolled his eyes at his servant's boring and submissive answer, but felt a sense of security that Mana would remain by his side when he's returned from Sindria. This eased his paranoia of losing her to homesickness since a few maids before her have tried to escape to their families and loved ones.

"Sinbad's been working with that twerp magi and everyone in the castle won't fucking shut up about it," he ranted. Judar was only comfortable ranting aloud to people he trusted, since there was so very people he confided in. Also, most often than not, the walls had ears because of those ominous priests. He's been in such a foul mood as of late because of them.

"Hmp" was the only sound that escaped Mana's lips. News of Sinbad working with that magi did not surprise her, after all it's exactly something he'd do.

She no longer wanted to remain in the topic of Sinbad but didn't know how to speak her mind without raising any red flags. Judar's mouth twitched in irritation at her indifference. She had the same empty gaze from their first encounter. Mana saw firsthand the damage caused by the new magi and yet she could only respond with a single breathe.

He was hoping to get some reassurance, but caught himself not even knowing what was he expecting. He desperately wanted someone to console and validate him. The longer Judar mulled at Mana's lack of interest, the more his mood swung out to an unsteady, angry state. His insecurity grew rampant as restless thoughts flooded his mind.

_Maybe she thinks I'm weak, after all, she's seen the worst of me._

"Is that all you can offer to comfort me? A single breathed answer?"

Judar pushed the golden plate of food off the bed, causing a loud piercing klank as it impacted the marble flooring.

"No, I just don't want to talk about—"

"Don't want to talk about my troubles?! Are they too small for you?! What bigger problems can a servant girl even have."

His words cut like knives. She didn't understand why his anger had to burn everything around him.

"Why do you fucking irritate me so much," Judar's movements were rough, yet agile, holding Mana's wrist out and pinning her down beneath him with his full body weight.

"I could kill you right now," he threatened. He was tired of her glassy-eyed gaze. Maybe today was the day he'd shatter them.

Judar's red eyes locked her in place as he searched for a reaction. He just wanted to see fear in Mana's eyes, the same fear that the possibility of this new Magi being stronger than him, but Mana remained unfazed. This was unsatisfactory to the dark magi.

It's been a common occurrence for Judar to lash out like this, it almost become an added chore for her to endure. She's seen Judar at his lowest, so this was manageable. Since arriving to Kou and being discovered by Kouen and Kouha, she's come to realize her muted emotional state. As if everything she once felt with extremity started to lose its color. Emotions of guilt, happiness, love, lust, sadness, and everything else felt difficult to process. She had doubts that she would ever get to process, feel, and portray emotions like she used to.

But she knew one thing, and it was her feelings to help this dark magi. But how could she help someone when she herself was so broken. It was like the blind leading the blind.

To Mana's surprise, she felt Judar fingers start to twist the buttons of her brown uniform top loose. Brown was the color all Kou slaves had to wear to differentiate them from the rest, an indicator that she belonged to someone like property. Judar licked the nape of her neck and the taste of salt and fruit teased his tongue. His breath became heavy and he felt his body and face become hot. He wanted her very much, he yearned to fill her emptiness.

Her eyes held no emotion, and instead reflected his own face, like the golden plate on the ground. He winced and looked away. He saw his own weakness, his own frustration and fears.

"I wish you would say something that'd comfort me," Judar whimpered in defeat. His hands stopped fiddling with Mana's uniform buttons, with a single button keeping her breasts together.

Judar was not raised with warmth, as far as he could remember Kougyoku and Hakuryuu were the only ones in the palace that gave him attention during his temper tantrums, but it was never enough. He felt more vulnerable than ever since learning about this new magi, who could possibly be his replacement sent from god himself.

Mana looked away as Judar's head rested on her nape in agony. Today's outcry felt a bit different today, a little bit more genuine, a lot more helpless. She wasn't use to seeing this softer side of Judar. There were too many maids in the palace to count to give him that emotional labor that he needed. Why did he choose her, a girl that's been too traumatized out of her mind from her past to even properly relate to people again. Why couldn't he just get rid of her. Why couldn't she just be killed when opportunity presented herself. Mana was in her own dark hole. They brought out the worst in each other. They couldn't help each other. They couldn't be what the other needed.

Mana gulped and felt her trembling fingers continue where Judar left off, unbuttoning the remaining button of her shirt. It didn't feel like herself, it didn't feel like her own actions. Her body movements were no longer hers to control. Maybe if she gave the magi what he wanted for so long she would be able to feel something again. It was worth trying. Maybe this way she'd be able to comfort him like he's wanted.

Judar stopped her.

"I don't wish to lay with an emotionless corpse," and with those words he sat back up the bed and slammed the towering doors on his way out.

* * *

Judar stormed out from his chambers towards the palace gardens. He was frustrated not only by the situation but with himself. Mana's glassy-eyed gaze haunted him. He stared at his trembling hands, he was in disbelief that he was on the brink of hurting the woman that had done nothing but care for him. He felt powerless against his inability to control himself.

"What was all that commotion about?" Ren Kouha appeared distraught. He had heard the commotion from across the palace halls.

"It was nothing. I just…"

"Lost your temper again?"

Judar did not respond. He was guilty and this embarrassment was punishment enough.

"She doesn't deserve it you know," Kouha said.

"Leave it alone, it's none of your business."

"She's fighting her own battle Judar, out of everyone you would know what that's like.."

"Shut up, I don't need you to lecture me!"

"When Kouen and I and found her by the coast, she was in the brink of despair. She was so traumatized that she couldn't even tell us anything about where she was from nor did she even know how she landed on Kou territory. She saved my life so I owe her a large debt. If you continue to treat a fragile woman so poorly then it's best she be taken away from your custody."

The thought of Mana being taken away from weighed his heart down in panic.

All this time, Judar saw was his own insecurities being reflected from Mana's glass coated eyes. His own reflection distracted himself from understanding the woman before him. He desperately wanted her attention, her comfort, but not thinking about repercussions of such emotional labor.

He was hurting her. The very woman who has stayed by his side every single day. The woman that had not abandoned him even when seeing him in his weakest and cruelest state. She did not deserve this torment. He's known this, but Judar was an instigator that loved his games very much. But the distinction between his games and pure cruelty were waning.

"God dammit," Judar rushed back into the bedroom.

But it was too late. Mana was long gone.


End file.
